Today’s inane image of the day:
|From my trip to San Fran – we made a pitstop in Malibu to visit one of Mike’s friends who was camping on the beach.|
Today, we are 2.5 years into our relationship. Over 1 year of it has been on almost-opposite ends of the country. Sadly, it is likely that we will be permanently reunited only after we’ve spent more time separated by 1000s of miles than together.
Things have not necessarily gotten easier with time [whoever said time heals all, lied] – in fact, I’d argue that it has gotten harder as I move forward with medical school. Although I have arrived at a relatively comfortable point of treading the enormous volume of material, I cannot help but feel apprehensive about Step 1. I do not feel like I adequately learned the basic sciences last year, nor do I feel comfortable identifying a lesion in the spinal cord when given the results of a neurological examination. Although these fears cannot be erased by having Mike around, he could at least help keep them at bay.
But I guess we all yearn for the things we cannot have. Admittedly, I should be grateful for the endless hours he spends with me over FaceTime, merely watching me stare at textbooks or listening to me talk to myself about the pathophysiology of this, or that. I should be happy that I have someone so supportive and stubborn. I should feel lucky that he can visit on such a regular basis.
I recognize that I definitely have a pretty optimal LDR situation, but I cannot help but feel pangs of jealousy when I see my happily married peers at social events or hear about regular weekend visits from significant others in places only a couple hours away. Through my eyes, everyone else has a more optimal situation – however, I know that this isn’t necessarily true. I just have to keep reminding myself that appearances are not always representative of the truth.
My frustration comes in waves – most of the time I keep myself so busy that there isn’t enough time to let the negative feelings surface – but, sometimes they escape and morph into a fight. Mike is so accustomed to them now that he just seems to ride out the storm until the sun rises again. I really try not to let my emotions get the best of me, however, by the end of the week, I am sleep-deprived and stressed, which tends to turn me into a blubbering ball of anger and tears. Usually, if sleep it off, everything is better the next day.
We still have something like four years of long distance to go – hopefully it will all work out in the end.