Today’s inane video of the day:
These are the actual shoes I’m still wearing on my clinical days in the hospital. Perhaps I’m taking my childhood scarcity mindset too far.
If you grew up in a low- to middle-class household or maybe just an Asian/immigrant household, you probably had some exposure to the scarcity mindset. I am thankful for my family’s super-frugal philosophy because it allowed me to be financially comfortable today. I am education-debt-free. I am working a lucrative career. Life is good.
But… the scarcity mindset has its downside. It means that there are some weird things I struggle to spend money on. It’s irrational. One example: I have a hard time taking Ubers/Lyfts when there is a train station/bus and my ability to use my own two legs. Once, I was out late and I didn’t feel safe while I was waiting at the platform of a train station so I walked 30+ minutes home instead of just taking a < 10 minute ride in a rideshare. In my mind, this was being frugal. Totally reasonable. [It was irrational. I can admit this now.]
Clearly I should buy new shoes but some inner voice of mine is reminding me that these are still functional. They mostly cover my feet. They mostly protect me from the bodily fluids that I’m exposed to in the operating room and ICU. They are still comfortable to walk around in. They will just end up in a landfill so I might as well keep wearing them!
Where the scarcity mindset gets tricky is when it creeps into other areas of life. I’ve seen it seep into my perspective on dating/relationships; there were moments in the last couple of years where the scarcity mindset kept me in a relationship or seeing someone that I didn’t really like, but felt like I should keep trying at it. Kind of like my shoes. They are functional so why would I trade them in for something better? There probably isn’t anything better!
[Actually, I believe there is often a better “fit” when it comes to relationships. It’s important to have alignment on the big life values. The best thing about being at this stage in my life: I am incredibly fulfilled by my work, family, and friends. The bar should be high. A life partner should be a value add to your life.]
I’m now in the process of evolving from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance. It feels lighter to live life this way. From a financial standpoint, this has looked like spending money on purchases I value [e.g., vacations/experiences, higher quality clothing that I look/feel good in, items that bring ease into my life]. I also recognize that lifestyle creep is a real thing, so I try to be mindful about that without resorting back to complete scarcity. I’m proud of how far I’ve come in the last few years… I no longer believe that these purchases will rob me of my financial stability. [For those of you wondering about my work shoes situation, I bought some Brooks shoes but I just haven’t brought them to work yet to break them in.]
From a life standpoint, I have started to see abundance everywhere. There are abundant opportunities at work for making a difference in patient care. There are individuals I am lucky to have the opportunity to connect with on a deeper level. There is the incredible feeling of unconditional love that my chihuahua, Minnie, shares with me each day.
In dating, just a year ago, I think I was giving off seriously desperate energy. I believed that quality partners were scarce. But as of late, I’ve connected with some incredible humans. And more and more seem to show up randomly, when I least expect it. Even if these connections don’t work out as life partners, I am enjoying the opportunity to meet new people and get to know them. I still feel sad and lonely sometimes… but don’t we all?
Those of you who know me in real life know that I have always looked for silver linings in everything. I feel that this is my true nature and that the dark years [i.e., premedical, residency, some of fellowship, a bit as an attending] were not a good representation of my true character. My true character has always been to believe positive intent in everyone. There is an abundance of goodness all around, if you just look for it. [Plus, gratitude interventions have a proven track record of helping mood.]
[Do I sound woo woo or what!? At least there’s some research to support it!]